2012 STAR CITY OPEN
JANUARY 22ND, 2012
Star City Adventure Golf Course, Birmingham

For full results click here and photos from the competition click here

January 22^nd 2012 was Super Sunday. For Sky Sports that meant a thrilling feast of football as Man City played host to Spurs and Man United travelled to Arsenal. But the main sporting event of the day started several hours earlier in Birmingham.

Just as Tottenham Hotspur faced a daunting task in travelling to the Etihad Stadium where Manchester City were defending a 100% home record, the might of the Kent Minigolf Club faced arguably a tougher challenge: to stop Chris ‘WHO’ Harding from winning a third Star City Open in just 4 years.

WHO had surprisingly failed to make the final round in the 2011 World Crazy Golf Championship but he had been close to unbeatable in the Midlands in recent years. In 2009, he won the Star City Open by an incredible 9 shots before winning it by 7 shots in 2010. Admittedly he had a bad day at the office in 2011, but this made him doubly determined to make amends this year.

 

“Every time I drive past Star City, I think: I am no longer the champion!” – WHO is determined to win his title back. Watch out KMGC!

The KMGC had been warned. The gentle giant of British Minigolf was not about to be defeated two years running. But the powerful Kent Minigolf Club who had conquered all before them in 2011 were not about to be scared off. Seven of the KMGC’s finest players travelled up for the event.

But before we get to the event itself, it’s been a busy January for British Minigolf. The transfer window opened on January 1^st and Captain Freebird immediately started the re-shaping of his squad for 2012 with the additions of The Ref and The Kid from Crystal Palace Minigolf Club, sorry Green Minigolf Club, for the combined price of one million pounds. He tried to sign Clockwork Orange but sadly Captain Clockwork’s brilliant Kent Open win had seen him submit wage demands of 100K per week. Freebird dismissed those wage demands as “Greed beyond belief, even for a Chelsea fan!” Captain Clockwork instead opted to join Cambridgeshire Minigolf Club where he is now Vice Captain Clockwork or VCC to Captain Ruthers.

The other big minigolf story over the winter had been the debate as to the size of Mr X’s backside! Ace Man described the bottom in question as ‘considerable’ with Mr X insisting it was ‘pert’. A definitive answer on that one will have to wait…

Saturday saw the BMGA AGM which was slightly more riveting than last year’s AGW. Freebird and Double Trouble were so confident of a 1-2 Homer finish that they nipped to Molineux for a brilliant football match that ‘tragically’ saw Big Mick’s boys lose 3-2 to Big Eck’s men! Back on the minigolf course, AK47 looked in fine form, shooting a Fake Star City Open practice score of 89 with HIOK on 90, and Captain Ruthers on 91. VCC was also looking in impressive form and the 4^th Star City Open looked too close to call. One thing was for sure, with 13 of the current top 16 in attendance, not to mention a whole host of ambitious category two players, we were all set for an enthralling tournament and an unending barrage of aces.

 

“I could do better with me bad eye!”

The KMGC were hoping for a peaceful night’s sleep ahead of the tournament but Donkey Gringo wasn’t so lucky. He was in a very noisy hotel and didn’t get much beauty sleep. Whether his noisy neighbours were planted by Midlands or Planet Hastings remains unclear…

Three rounds on the Lost Hut Trail course would decide the winner. But just WHO would it be?

Round 1 was a shotgun start with players starting their round at various points all over the course. Most of the KMGC came out of the blocks faster than a bullet from a gun. One of the biggest questions of the new season is how would Freebird fare without the burden of running the tournaments? His first round free of on-the-day-responsibility was an excellent one. He didn’t drop any shots and five aces, including a hat-trick, at holes 1, 7, 11, 12, and 13 gave him a great opening round of 31. The Force was running the tournament but showed no signs of being distracted as he went one shot better with a 30. He scored 7 aces at holes 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 14 and 17 plus a 3 at the ‘joke’ 18^th hole.

HIOK wasn’t going to give up his title without a fight. He aced holes 2, 3, 7, plus four in a row from holes 10 through 13 for a 29. After his recent excellent results at Hastings, big things are expected from TK Max this year. Early indications are that the battle for Kelly supremacy will be a lot closer in 2012 than 2011. The Cup Cake Classic champion began his tournament in outstanding style with aces at holes 1, 3, 13, 15, and very impressive aces at holes 17 and 18 for a 30. That was one shot better than AK47 who scored 5 aces at holes 3, 9, 11, 13 and 15.

Donkey Gringo was suffering from a lack of practice and a lack of sleep and those two obstacles caused a lack of aces. A solitary ace at the 11^th cancelled out a solitary 3 at the 7^th for a so-very-nearly perfect round of 36. That was one shot better than Double Trouble. She went ever so close to a Perfect Par round of 36 but a 3 at the difficult 16^th ruined the perfection to give her a 37.

It had been a strong start from the KMGC contingent and five of them were close enough to challenge for the title. But despite a broken finger sustained through playing football that meant he was playing with a slightly different grip than usual, WHO equalled his and Squire’s course record of 28 to take the early lead.

 

“Down the mine!” – Squire celebrates an ace in typically subdued fashion. And seeing as one of his outbursts came on Donkey Gringo’s backswing, the future of Team Sqonkey may be in doubt…

Round 2 was another shotgun start with players starting around 8-9 holes later on the course. But with WHO shooting another brilliant 28, the KMGC headed down the leader-board!

The Force and TK Max shot the same score in round 1 and they continued this pattern in round 2. The Force again dropped a shot at hole 18 but 5 aces on holes 7, 10, 11, 14 and 15 gave him a 32. TK Max also dropped a shot though his came at hole 10. He scored aces at holes 3, 7, 12, 15 and 17 for his 32. His lead on AK47 increased to two shots as AK47 scored a 33. Apparently, 3s at hole 10 in round 2 run in the family as he also surprisingly dropped a shot there. Aces at holes 3, 7, 11 and 13 gave him a 33.

Freebird and HIOK enjoyed, or perhaps that should be endured, mixed fortunes in round 2. The Bird scored a 4 at hole 2 (Editors note: Hole 4 saw the Bird 3 putting from 2 inches - I kid you not - thanks to 2 consecutive bounce outs! It's a testament to FB's character that his putter didn't go flying across the course at this point) and a pair of 3s at holes 10 and 14, though aces at holes 3, 15, and a second consecutive hat-trick of aces at holes 11 through 13 gave him a 35. HIOK scored a 3 at the 12^th and a 4 at hole 18 (not for the first time) though seven aces at holes 6, 8, 10, 11, 13, 15 and 16 rescued a 32.

Meanwhile Donkey Gringo and Double Trouble were attempting to fill the considerable void left by Perfect Par’s absence by shooting, you guessed it, rounds of perfect par! Donkey Gringo again got the score spot-on but only recorded 14 pars. Aces at holes 9 and 17 were cancelled out by 3s at holes 6 and 15. Double Trouble scored four excellent aces at holes 7, 10, 11 and 15 though a 4 at the 16^th plus a hat-trick of 3s at holes 6, 12 and 18 gave her a second successive round of 37.

With two rounds gone and just 18 holes to play, the scores and positions were as follows: Double Trouble was in tied 23^rd on 74 with Donkey Gringo tied 19^th on level par 72. Freebird was tied 8^th on 66 with AK47 and Captain Ruthers in tied 6^th on 64. The Force and TK Max were tied in 4^th on 62 with HIOK 3^rd on 61. James Trubridge was 2^nd on 59 with WHO leading by 3 on 56. The KMGC were in the relatively unfamiliar position of being too far behind to challenge for the title, unless they could shoot a new course record…

 

“And the winning ticket is…” The Force equates the lottery of hole 18 with… the lottery!”

Double Trouble looked like ending the tournament by equalling her PB. Aces at holes 7 and 12 had cancelled out dropped shots at holes 3 and 10 and she was level par with her round with 4 holes to play. Sadly she ended with four consecutive 3s for a round of 40. Not quite the end she was hoping for but on the positive side her 38.0 average is 1.0 lower than her average score on the course one year earlier. If she can improve by that margin every year, she’ll probably be the 2025 Star City Open Champion!

Never mind the battle for prize money and ranking points, the biggest question of round 3 was whether Donkey Gringo would do a ‘Perfect Par’ to score 3 rounds of 36 for a 108 total. Things were looking good at half-time with an ace at the 9^th cancelling out a 3 at hole 5. When he scored an ace at the 11^th and a 3 at the 13^th, he was just five pars away from perfectness. But clearly that 3 had made The Donkey angry and two excellent aces at holes 14 and 15 gave him a 34 and a 106 total.

Freebird had a good final round. He dropped a shot at the 5^th (another f*%@#ng bounce out) but five aces at holes 3, 7, 10, 11, and 15 gave him a final round 32 and a total of 98.

Still nothing could separate The Force and TK Max. The Force dropped shots at holes 4 and 18 but five aces at holes 2, 7, 10, 11 and 17 gave him a 33. TK Max aced holes 7, 8, 10, and 12 and looked set for a 32 before a 3 at the 18^th gave him a 33. Both men finished on 95.

AK47 and HIOK saved the best until last.

AK47 and Captain Ruthers were level after 2 rounds and they had a thrilling final round duel albeit in different groups. AK47 got off to the perfect start with aces at holes 2 and 3, and further aces followed at holes 7 and 10 to take him -12. Captain Ruthers managed 5 aces on those holes including a hat-trick of aces on holes 6 through 8 to move -13. AK47 surprisingly dropped a shot at the 11^th but bounced back brilliantly to ace holes 12 and 13 to move -13. CR aced the 12^th but a terrible 1^st putt at 13 gave him a 3 and meant that he and AK47 were level. Captain Ruthers scored great aces at holes 14 and 17 to end on -15. AK47 also aced the 17^th to move -14 but he needed an ace at the last to tie with CR and force a play-off for 3^rd. AK47 got down the pipe 1^st time and was rewarded with a slightly fortunate ace. The chances of an ace were probably between 1 in 5 to 1 in 7. That was only the 8^th ace of the day at the 18^th and whilst Captain Ruthers was left cursing his luck, the Cambridgeshire Captain had fluked the 18^th in round 2 and so a play-off was a fair result. But great credit to AK47 for acing the last 2 holes or ‘Doing a Michael’ as he called it.

 

“Chris is the Tiger Woods of British Minigolf! If he leads going into the last round, he wins.” – HIOK plays down his chances of overhauling a 5 shot deficit when talking to Captain Cambridge before round 3.

The odds on WHO not acing any of the first ten holes were 2 billion to one. Yet amazingly this is what happened. How did it happen? Was his finger starting to cause him pain or was HIOK’s ‘hideous’ pink shirt putting him off? Whatever the cause, the result was nine pars and a dropped shot at the third to leave him +1 for the round and -15 for the tournament with 8 holes left. James Trubridge and HIOK took full advantage. James scored aces on holes 5, 6, and 10 to move -16 whilst HIOK aced holes 3, 7, 8 and 10 to move -15. This was turning into quite a battle.

HIOK scored a great hat-trick of aces on holes 11, 12, and 13, to move into the lead on -18. WHO aced 11 to move -16 and although James aced the 12^th, a 4 at hole 13 and a 3 at the 14^th saw him drop out of contention. It was now a duel for the title between the two previous Star City Open champions.

Both men held their nerve to ace the 15^th and two solid pars followed at the 16^th. WHO had to ace the 17th to stand any realistic chance of victory. But when he needed it most, WHO hit a brilliant putt under pressure to ace the hole. Now HIOK was one shot ahead with just one to play.

The hole later described by VCC as a ‘joke’, though not a very funny joke as he scored 14 on the hole over three rounds, provided a thrilling finish. It is statistically the hardest hole on the course by far with a 2.44 average. HIOK hit a soft first putt but his line was good and it found the pipe, though it left him a 4 foot putt from behind the hole. If he holed it he was almost certain to be champion, but he didn’t hit a great putt and his dreaded blue Klicker drifted by the right edge of the hole. WHO held his nerve to find the pipe first time and he holed the three foot putt to force a play-off.

 

“I thought I played very well for the coin toss. Then it was downhill from there!” – HIOK in philosophical mood after his play-off defeat.

What is it with the Kent Minigolf Club and play-offs? Every BMGA tour stroke-play event seems to feature at least two of them.

First up was AK47 against Captain Ruthers for 3^rd place, £40 and the bronze medal, except there wasn’t one. Captain Ruthers is a great player but his match-play and play-off records are not good, and AK47 was the slight favourite. The first two holes halved in safe pars. Captain Ruthers had the chance to put the pressure on with an ace at the 3^rd but he did the opposite by missing both his first putt then his second putt for a 3. AK47 was never going to miss his chance and he played a tentative yet very sensible 1^st putt then tapped in for a par to continue his excellent run opf BMGA tour top 4 finishes.

WHO had aced hole 1 two times out of three to HIOK’s zero out of three so the KMGC feared the worst when HIOK’s attempted double rebound hit the hole on the way through and he had to settle for a two. But he got a reprieve as WHO didn’t punish him. As with the earlier play-off, hole 2 was halved in pars.

HIOK was so close to acing the 3^rd but his putt pulled up a fraction short. WHO had a good chance to win it but his putt was far too fast. It still would have dropped had it been dead on line but it was a little left and he tapped in for a par. Onto hole 4.

The title simply could not be decided at hole 4. It was almost impossible. Whether you played safely down the pipe and trusted to luck with odds of an ace between 1 in 4 and 1 in 20 depending on who you were listening to, or played the almost-impossible treble rebound with a high bounce ball or golf ball, the result was usually the same: a 2! In 2011 there had only been one ace on the hole and this year there had been the same number. Based on statistics from the 3 rounds, there was a 1.07% chance of an ace.

So up steps WHO. He is playing the treble rebound shot. In round 3, he had played it perfectly and had almost aced the hole. Now he played it anything but perfectly. In fact he played it so badly that the ball missed the wall for the second rebound. But where was it going to end up? Despite the bounce of the ball being more than 55cm and travelling down a slope very quickly, the ball somehow settled in the bottom of the shallow cup for an ace! Unbelievable! What a fluke!

HIOK stuck to his game-plan and the safer shot down the pipe. He was relying on luck and that deserted him as the Nifo 2 rolled agonisingly past the hole. What a way to end the tournament. The two men shook hands (left-handed, so as to avoid hurting WHO’s broken finger) and that brought the 2012 Star City Open to an end.

The final scores and positions were as follows: Double Trouble finished in tied 25^th on 114 with Donkey Gringo tied 16^th on 106. Freebird finished 8^th on 98 whilst TK Max and The Force tied in 6^th on 95. The Force again won the aces prize. AK47 finished 3^rd on 93 with HIOK 2^nd on 90.

Once again, the Star City Open was a strong start to the year for the Kent Minigolf Club. There’s a 3 month break ahead of the British Masters where The Force will be attempting to defend his title and his ‘hideous’ jacket, at Splash Point, Worthing. But fear not, the KMGC is likely to stage 3 further tournaments before The Masters. So there’s no chance of rust creeping in. That’s the theory…

 

“I’ll be better next year.” – The new Star City Open champion is already planning a 4^th win in 5 years…

Congratulations to WHO, a great man and a great champion. But not a great footballer!

The KMGC will soon be back at Sidcup. Until then,